Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I am starting to feel pregnant

I am starting to feel pregnant. My body is changing in some dramatic ways (no clothes fit!) and my hormones are "wonderfully" vibrant. I can go from annoyed to happy to weepy to mushy to exhausted in about 3 seconds flat. "They" say I am currently making extra hormones for the baby and this will start to subside around now so maybe I'll be less of a freak. I hope. It's amazing when your moods can even annoy yourself...

And I have lost my memory. I used to be ok (not great) at keeping life in order. I would remember where I parked the car, what I walked into a room to do, what needed to be done that day. Now, it's just disappeared. Thankfully Neil is there to remind me and he has been wonderful about that. The only thing I can seem to remember is how tired I am and how much I always want just a little nap. I really think there needs to be a nap room at the office. Just to close my eyes for 15 minutes would make me so much more productive!

We have a new fruit! We are now carrying a raspberry around

Although looking at that picture makes me crave raspberries (I am completely in love with fruit). Is that cannibalistic? *grin*

Monday, June 22, 2009

Day 166 of 365

  1. A successful day of presentations
  2. Lunch paid for by someone else
  3. Mom and dad are home from their vacation
  4. Starting to feel sad about leaving some of the people here in the office
  5. No sadness, though, to be leaving this job

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Day 165 of 365

  1. Midsummer festival in WoW starts
  2. Finding the energy to do laundry!
  3. Walter actually coming upstairs as he is now apparently scared of our bedroom
  4. NGB going to Timmy's for breakfast foods
  5. NGB's MOST tactful reminder that my large and getting heavier breasts will be around my knees if I don't wear some kind of support

Day 164 of 365

  1. A wonderful dinner with NGB
  2. The laziest day known to man, and loving it
  3. Sore breasts - any symptoms of pregnancy is good! This has been alomst too easy...
  4. Remembering what not to take for granted
  5. The huff of breath from a puppy when they decide to fall asleep

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Day 162 of 365

  1. Walter's happy dance
  2. Garlicky mashed potatoes (I can taste garlic again!)
  3. The love and support of a a patient man
  4. More closure at my old job
  5. A warm bubble bath

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Day 161 of 365

  1. A lazy day at home
  2. The ability to nap the instant I feel exhausted
  3. I have found my true food love - FRUIT
  4. Watching Sherman sleep curled up in my housecoat
  5. We have the layout of the nursery planned - now we just need the second trimester and the furniture

Day 160 of 365

  1. A wonderful pasta lunch with girls from work
  2. A wonderful pasta dinner with some girlfriends - and more girls know about the neo geek babe!
  3. My first used pregnancy clothes
  4. More projects winding up at work
  5. NGB, for the first time, touched my belly and kissed it

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Introducing the Blueberry

Sprout is 7 weeks along. He is now a BLUEBERRY.

We have a brain, we have arms and legs and kidneys. We have a little tiny human forming!

I call Sprout a he, although I am not sure a gender yet. Sometimes I think boy, sometimes girl... but he is coming out easily and I'll run with that until I know for sure.

I am still feeling good! Still a little light headed, getting more and more tired everyday. And despite the tiredness, I am waking early in the morning. By around 530am I am up and then cat nap for the rest of the morning. But it's not so bad that I feel any need to get OUT of bed. I am content to lie there, fall in and out of sleep, dream a bit and watch NGB sleep. It completely creeps him out, but I think he looks so handsome and peaceful *grin*

I think the thing I struggle with most right now is that I feel useless. We have a couple of projects that need to get done this year. A big one is the re-stain the fence and strip the paint of the wood siding on the house and repaint it. It must be done, to preserve the fence and house.

But I cannot help.

I can't strip paint, since the old stuff is from the 50's (it was light green... ick!) and could easily contain lead. Which I could inhale. Which is harmful to Sprout. I can't help with the staining. While acrylic paint is ok in a very well ventilated area, stain carries a warning about potential harm to the baby.

I think if I was out to there or at least SHOWING it would make it real and make my uselessness feel more legitmate and less about being lazy. Instead, I have to conscript my parents to do this work for me and help NGB as I sit inside and watch TV in the air conditioning. Actually, I will be inside compulsively cleaning and throwing things out that we don't use. My nesting to date has expressed itself in getting rid of STUFF. Hormones are so much fun!

Day 159 of 365

  1. BellaBand. My new pants that I will grow into are currently falling off me. The BellaBand is preventing the huge social embarassment of my white granny panties showing
  2. Arizona Diet Blueberry Green Tea - it tastes even BETTER when I am pregnant!
  3. A great meeting this morning and the chance to say goodbye to some wonderful colleagues
  4. Communicator at work - a perfect way to chat with friends and pass the time
  5. Only 3 hours until I can have a nap. I am SO tired!

Day 158 of 365

  1. This pregnancy giving me back some of the taste and smell that my allergies have taken away
  2. A few more deadlines met at work
  3. NGB cleaning the house for me Monday, so I wouldn't have to on Sunday, to prepare for company
  4. Having friends over last night and NOT telling them, even though they asked. Repeatedly. Because I wasn't drinking. Apparently me NOT drinking is a huge thing and can only mean there is a baby.
  5. NGB loving me despite my apparently drinkinf problem *grin*

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Day 157 of 365

  1. Getting to talk to my adopted sister about Sprout
  2. Walter snuggled up against me as I was throwing up in the toilet yesterday - he is such a good and loving dog
  3. NGB running upstairs to tell me about something he wants to buy for Sprout, he is so excited
  4. Wanting to do nothing more than crawl into bed and sleep this Sunday away, but finding the energy to get up and do those things that need to be done
  5. Well, finding that energy AFTER my mid-morning nap

Day 156 of 365

  1. A new amazing breakfast place - Park Allen Restaurant
  2. A full day or errnads and nosing around with NGB
  3. Figuring out what the ONE thing is that makes me puke
  4. How absolutely excited my dad is about this grandchild - he just has to tell everyone!
  5. Finding a dress that will have plenty of room for a July 4th wedding

Friday, June 12, 2009

Day 155 of 365

  1. Not FEELING pregnant... no morning sickness, just some dizziness and the knowledge I can't have the traditional Friday glass of wine
  2. NGB's best friend is coming to town
  3. Glorious weather predicted for the weekend!!
  4. Meeting my new boss yesterday, and really liking him a lot
  5. Starting to get my office cleaned up for my departure

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Day 154 of 365

  1. Finding CHEAP pants that are really big and baby-gut friendly
  2. REALLY getting it - I NEED water or I get super light-headed
  3. Maybe figuring our what car I want to get
  4. A wonderufl evening with NGB last night
  5. Getting up early enough this morning that I was able to do my dailies and raid prep BEFORE work today! Crazy.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Day 153 of 365

  1. Being a big girl when they took my blood sample
  2. Remembering Walter's irrational fear of bangles (yes, the bracelets) before his head exploded in fear as I was rubbing his head with the hand wearing the bangles and thus making the tinkling noise RIGHT BY HIS HEAD
  3. A few more "to-do's" crossed off the list of stuff to finish at work before I go
  4. Being able to successfully undertake the COMPLEX peeing in cups that the tests required (Grab cup. Pee. Stop. Wipe. Grab OTHER cup. Finish peeing.)
  5. That I am a mother

First doctor appointment has been DONE

Today I had my first doctor's appointment. NGB was fabulous and came along to hold my hand and support me. My regular GP is away, so another doctor, Dr. Loiselle, saw me. She asked questions about conception date, guesses right now our due date is February 3rd (ack! even sooner than the internet says!), lifestyle questions, provided some information. And then I had to give blood samples (ick) and pee in a cup for a few standard screens.

One thing that made me happy about this pregnancy happening now was the fact that I am 34 and thus not in that magic "35 = high risk" bracket. Well, I will be GIVING birth when I am 35... so I am actually in that category *sigh*. So we are also booking a screening test, theNuchal scan. It will be an ultrasound (which will also firm up how far along we are) and a blood test. It will look for Trisomy 18, Trisomy 13or the more common Down Syndrome. The tests are 80% effective, with a 5% false positive rate. If there is anything, we move on to the amnio.

The first 2 syndromes, according to the doctor, are "not conducive to life". She said we probably haven't talked about this, but that because of my age the testing is recommended and if there is an abnormality we can terminate the pregnancy. I was impressed at the words chosen, very carefully, so that they were not offensive. But it still means the same...

And we had spoken about it. If it were something that prevented Sprout from leading a happy life, then we would terminate. But that does not include something like Down Syndrome.

But in the next week or two we'll be getting the Nuchal scan appointment booked. Then on July 20 (when I am 11-ish weeks) we go for the first official pre-natal visit.

Between then and now, I get to hope that morning sickness doesn't come along, try to eat well and take care of myself. And buy some new and larger pants because these ones just are not fitting well at all!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Day 152 of 365

  1. IM at work. Be it the official one, or google... it's nice to chatter with friends and loved ones
  2. Possibly my last Indian buffet for awhile. Felt bloated and dizzy and maybe a wee bit nauseous after todays lunch. I may need a break
  3. Some great jobs on NGB's horizon
  4. The first official post-Sprout doctor appointment tomorrow
  5. Feeling that my life is moving in the right direction... that feeling of being stalled and stuck is gone

Let me introduce you to...

Sprout (as posted last week... I'll be better about keeping up to date)

NGB called the babe Sprout the other day... and I may have started thinking about him/her as Sprout already. Sprout is about the size of an appleseed now (taken from thebump.com -no plagiarizing here!)

And I still feel good. No horrible side effects, no crazy emotions (yet) just... a surreal feeling. Tomorrow I start week 6*. There will be a new food to compare Sprout in size to. And maybe more side effects? "People" say the morning sickness starts at around week 6 for some. But "people" really say a lot of conflicting stuff.

We have a doctor's appointment on June 10th to get the blood test and figure out where to go next. Find an OB/GYN and hope for a great fit. I am pretty sure I feel better about all this going down in a hospital. Just in case. So I think I will go down the new traditional road of OB/GYN and hospital. But I want the option of a doula. Just in case. You know, I have no clue what I want. I just want to keep my options open and we'll figure this out together.

From the advanced Internet technology I have a predicted due date of February 5th. This, of course, is dependant on the date of my last period, which I may have forgotten to track this month, but THINK it was around May 1. Maybe a few days sooner than that. Something around there.

February 5th. Making Sprout an Aquarius according to zodiac. An Ox (specifically an Earth Ox) in chinese horoscope. And making me appear to have too much time on my hands. Lunch is done, back to work for me!

It's hard to concentrate on policy when my mind is fixated on Sprout...

* Nope. I apparently can't count. Just in week 5 right now - week 6 starts NEXT Friday, June 12.

I am plagiarizing

I am officially plagiarizing... myself! NGB and I (mostly I) have started ANOTHER blog, detailing the babe and the journey. And that content (that I wrote) will ALSO be housed here. Because I am lazy like that.

First vomitting of the pregnancy last night. It was pretty sudden, my intenstines/uterus felt crampy and strange. Then the metallic tingling in the back of your mouth and a bit more drool and... VOMIT. Made it to the toilet (which strangely smelled like my many years deceased hamster's cage when I would have to clean it).

NGB was fabulous about it all. Came upstairs, rubbed my back, brought me water. He even helped me into bed and brought me crackers while my stomach settled. Once everything was down, we went out for dinner to celebrate this definitive sign of pregnancy!!

Yes, we ARE strange. Thank you for asking *grin*

Monday, June 8, 2009

Day 151 of 365

  1. No new missing tastes from my palette
  2. Feeling not too tired or fat or whiny
  3. Being able to share the good and the bad with NGB
  4. Better weather on the horizon
  5. A few baby lists created

Day 150 of 365

  1. Realizing that we need a new car, one that will fit Sprout and his paraphanelia
  2. Finding a car I love!
  3. Putting an offer in on it, but thankfully finding out about the $15,000 accident it was in before we paid for it in full
  4. Stil not much for symptoms of Sprout (other than the inability to taste certain foods)
  5. Dinner with Mom and Dad

Day 149 of 365

A few days missed... Saturday
  1. Brunch with 2 close friends, who now know about Sprout
  2. The support and ideas I have been getting from friends and family
  3. Vis for Pies desserts
  4. Finally knowing when to give up on a recipe
  5. A quiet night in with NGB, after I bailed on friends that were having a potluck in fear of having to explain why I wasn't drinking because I NEVER say no to a glass of wine!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Day 148 of 365

  1. Some clarity about my working future
  2. Satisfaction in knowing that I have made positive working relationships
  3. Still no morning sickness
  4. A chance to see a wonderful friend tonight
  5. So much socializing to do this weekend!

Stick number 2

Life has gottne crazy. I believe I am being offered a new job - one that is a promotion of sorts, new Ministry, new group, new challenges. I'd be at the same level of job, I'd just be supervising people. New skills to learn! It would be a great opportunity for me.

But I am pregnant.

I bought a second stick, peed on it... and definitely. There was nothing faint about THAT line. A different brand, a different type and still yes.

And now to NGB it's real. We are REALLY having a baby. And his head exploded just a few times last night. I may still have brain in my hair...

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Day 147 of 365

  1. A good concert last night
  2. An amazing authentic mexican restaurant discovery!!
  3. Telling one person... someone to talk with
  4. Starting another blog, for me and NGB to track this whole baby thing
  5. Still no morning sickness

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Day 146 of 365

  1. Pear-Lychee Green Tea
  2. Getting groceries bought yesterday - saved us $35!
  3. Doctor appointment booked for next Wednesday, to get this all confirmed
  4. Figuring out a good excuse about why I am not drinking alcohol right now
  5. Another great concert tonight!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Day 145 of 365

  1. NGB has been absolutely amazing through this life change
  2. I feel good. Very good. Too good? 
  3. The AC is DONE! And on budget. And the toilet is fixed for cheap! The house is one piece... for now
  4. NGB has been frantically nesting... it's adorable to see
  5. High Voltage wraps. Fresh ingredients, herbed and grilled after made... Best. Wraps. EVAR! 


Yesterday I bought the pee-on-a-stick test. I peed on said stick last night, certain there would be no baby. I put it on the counter, and watched the digital screen. It felt so fast... maybe 30 seconds? And it flashed pregnant.



I stood still for about 10 seconds. Then ran down the stairs, stick in hand, to NGB. He looked at me strangely as I shook my head up and down, my hand covering my mouth, tears starting. It was a shock, unexpected. Not planned, not the right timing. But inside me is the start of a human being, made from me and the man I love.

Our reaction to the news? Off to the bookstore, like good little geeks, to get a book so that we can figure out what the fuck to expect. So I bought "what to expect when you're expecting". Everyone reads that one. But there is so much to KNOW. Then we went to tell my parents.

My dad said "Finally!" and started crying. My mom looked a little more taken aback. She hoped we'd be married first... but I know she'll be an amazing grandmother. Baba. There were tears and hugs and shock and love.

Then home, to let it all sink in. The books say I am supposed to be tired. But I am the exact opposite. I woke up at 4am and wasn't able to really fall back asleep and feel fine this morning. I watched NGB sleep, watched him roll around, talk, snore... and tried to let it all sink in.

Symptoms are few. Dizzy spells. My boobs grew a bit more (ugh). I can FEEL my uterus. Almost like menstrual cramps (which made me think the cycle was about to start). But apparently not so much that. There really is nothing else. No nausea, no tiredness, no... nothing. I feel NORMAL. But instead I am growing a human being. It just does not seem real yet.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Day 144 of 365

  1. A perfectly ripe bananas in your lunch
  2. A new lipstick that is only kinda the wrong colour
  3. The world's most awesome kleenex box
  4. Being smoke-free for 9 days! Minimal weight gain and no fatalities
  5. The AC is in and being tested. From having this AC installed we found out about our leaking toilet AND that our furnace was hooked up wrong and we have been trying to heat the outdoors for the last 3 years. And still our gas bill was cheaper than it was with the old 1972-ish furnace... which shows you how inefficient those things really are!

Wishful thinking?

I am pretty sure my monthly friend should have visited by now. I am good about tracking, but missed inputting my first day last time. I kept thinking I have to input this before I forget... and I forgot. I know myself so well! I have NO signs of pregnancy. Other than my lateness and my boobs feel even BIGGER. Last week I worked myself up into the highest of FITS over a wisdom tooth removal, which may have sent me out of whack. But what if?

I see a co-worker pregnant and it looks amazing. I listen to my friend's stories and I there is a part of me that is envious. But then I think about the fact that my job is a secondment, NGB is not working right now, the house needs so much work, we have so much debt, we aren't even married yet! We want a family however this is not the right time. But what if? What if there is a little person inside of me, growing. Someone made up partly from me, and partly from the man I love - my best friend and life partner. What if there is a future little geek inside me... someone who's first steps I'll watch, first words will be celebrated, someone who will call ME "mama".

Years ago, I was at a family function at my parent's place. I was maybe around 28? My god-daughter (my second cousin) was there. When she saw me she came running up to me, arms thrown wide, huge smile on her face screaming "aunty!". The sound of a little voice calling me aunty made my heart burt in my chest and brought tears to my eyes... I can't begin to understand how amazing being called mom would be.

Well, off to buy a pregnancy test. Just to lay this wishful thinking to rest.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Day 143 of 365

  1. The laziest Sunday known to man
  2. Levelling new toons, on a new server
  3. A bad raid, but people stayed calm
  4. CREAMSICLE SWIRL ICECREAM! Almost as good as cookie dough
  5. Another vow, to be healthier tomorrow... 

Day 142 of 365

  1. Finally setttling the house colour debate... it's amazing what completely open communication can do
  2. A plan of action for the projects for the sumemr
  3. More garden plants!! Which I don't remember the name of... but they look pretty
  4. Started the massive task of patching the lawn
  5. The electrical done, the AC half done... finishes on Monday

Day 141 of 365

Friday... I have been lazy! 
  1. A productive day at work, even met a few deadlines! 
  2. Having my parents over for dinner, when they brought over 2/3 of the meal 
  3. A quiet night in, with a great bottle of wine and an even better boyfriend
  4. Listening to Sherman snore
  5. Enjoying taking care of the garden and yard

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Day 140 of 365

  1. There is still one side of my mouth I can chew on. Although I am almost obsessive about chewing on BOTH sides on my mouth. It feels wrong. 
  2. My new Betsery Johnson flip flops - the only Betsey I will be able to afford
  3. An application for a good job went in today - the Director has been encouraging me to apply, so this seems positive
  4. I commented on another blog today! I have to be better about comments...
  5. The realization I don't comment as much because I don't actually leave CONTENT on my blog. Just lists. Like this one. *sigh*

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Day 139 of 365

  1. Making it through my wisdom tooth removal yesterday and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be
  2. Howver, the I worked myself into a complete and utter fit before the procedure and I spent the day home from work getting over the stress
  3. Making my Amish Friendship bread - now if I could just find Amish to share with... 
  4. More plants for the garden! Impatients, Geraniums and... another one. Damn, I suck at this gardening thing
  5. Another song I have fallen in deep love with - The Mission by Puscifer

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Day 138 of 365

  1. Not actually puking from the pre-wisdom tooth removal nervousness (yet)
  2. Sometimes being able to think of something other than the impending tooth removal (for a few seconds)
  3. A new hand cream (Herbacin) that I may have a little crush on 
  4. The decision has been made! I will go back to Bikram yoga (properly hydrated)
  5. A song that makes me bounce to the beat (while I think about having a wisdom tooth removed)

Monday, May 25, 2009

Day 137 of 365

  1. A successful job interview
  2. Now that the job interview is done, I can start stressing about my wisdom tooth removal
  3. Day 2 of no smoking (and no one has died yet!)
  4. No TOO sore after Bikram yoga
  5. Finding the willpower not to frantically feed the nicotine monster living deep in my belly

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Day 136 of 365

  1. Plans to go to a Bikram yoga class
  2. A short check-out line at Costco
  3. Finally hanging a basket of flowers on the hook we installed 3 years ago
  4. Making progress on reclaiming our front yard. Dandelions down, ant farms to go!
  5. A job interview tomorrow!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Day 135 of 365

  1. Getting the garden in, and it looks wonderful! 
  2. Making improvements in the yard
  3. Spending the morning with NGB and my parents, the people I care about most
  4. Having friends over in the evening to be big geeks
  5. Falling asleep slightly achy... it's nice to work your body once in awhile

Friday, May 22, 2009

Day 134 of 365

  1. My size 29 jeans? Too big!! 
  2. A crazy scary-busy weekend ahead (and hopes of getting it all done)
  3. The A/C is coming! The A/C is coming! Well, the unit... install next week
  4. Star Trek (the movie) - so much better than I thought it would be!
  5. Free burgers at puppy daycare to celebrate one year of their business being open

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Day 133 of 365

  1. 20 minutes of thinking maybe WE won the almost $50 million lotto (one ticket, sold in our town)
  2. Feeling slimmer again today... and NGB is too (GI Diet ftw)
  3. Raid called early
  4. Busy, busy, busy at work! 
  5. A sleeping puppy's breath on my ankle

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Day 132 of 365

  1. Not losing my mind at passive aggressive stupidity
  2. A night full of projects to do 
  3. Another dinner made at home
  4. And even doing the dishes after!
  5. Watching the pups roost in my housecoat as I sit in the most perfect bath water

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Day 131 of 365

  1. Winning $55 on the lotto and reinvesting some
  2. Remembering to bring a lunch today (even though I forgot I am going for Indian with a friend)
  3. Amazing Indian buffet for lunch
  4. A patient boyfriend who understands and supports
  5. Only some snow today (so far)

Day 130 of 265

  1. NGB running out to get Blizzards on a cold afternoon
  2. NGB running out to get brownies on a cold and SNOWY evening
  3. Not leaving the house: Day 2
  4. Finding a new show to like!
  5. Stepping awa from the computer (and in front of the TV but it's a start!)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Day 129 of 365

  1. A lazy rainy Sunday
  2. A good raid and another boss down
  3. New yummy salad discovery
  4. Not leaving the house all day
  5. Knowing tomorrow is a holiday and there will be no work on Monday! 

Day 128 of 265

  1. Buying the paint for the dog's room and other productive errands
  2. A wonderful belated mother's day dinner with my parents
  3. A new restaurant found - AMAZING wraps there
  4. Sleeping in very very late
  5. A new external drive for my computers

Friday, May 15, 2009

Day 127 of 365

  1. Maybe being somewhat smart-ish in a meeting this morning
  2. Waking up and remembering my freaky half-awake/half-asleep dreams
  3. A great concert last night, Joel Plasket. An entertainer and artist (not a lip-syncer)
  4. The friday before a LONG WEEKEND
  5. 5 years with NGB... damn. And he still hasn't made an honest woman out of me *grin*

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Day 126 of 365

  1. Taking lunch from home
  2. It didnt snow too much today (stupid weather)
  3. NGB being so sweet and loving when I am feeling irrationally grumpy
  4. $40 million dollar lotto prize 
  5. Being told I look skinny today

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Drivng to the farm Monday night I had the sudden belief I was pregnant. I would have been JUST pregnant... it was only a few days from the last time NGB and I got all adult friendly. And that was the first time in awhile. 

The idea was so clear in my head I almost announced it to my parents that desperately want grandchildren. I believe it is a wondeful case of PMS-hormone induced insanity... but does anyone ever just know? 

Day 125 of 365

Caught up again!
  1. Weather that is better than forcasted
  2. Hawkins Cheezies, my current true-love food
  3. Another commitment from NGB to get his passport application in
  4. My new hair colour is not as red as I feared it was
  5. A decent raid night

You want me to put my ass WHERE?

My Uncle's funeral was yesterday. We filled up the van, bundled up against the snow (yes, snow on May 12) and headed out for the 1 hour drive to the farm. On the way we stopped at Tim Horton's for a fuel up, to make the trip bearable. 

Because of my proclivity to car sickness I got the front seat. With my knees snuggled up against the dashboard (to give NGB's legs some room behind me) we drove out telling stories, sharing ideas, inerrupting each other. We got to the church at the farm in good time and I hopped out and started to make my way through the snow brushed green grass and I realized something vital. I had to pee. No, make that, I HAD to pee. While this is generally a problem easily solved there is one hiccup. The church? It has no plumbing. It has no heat or insulation either (other than a wood stove) but that is another post all together. However, it DOES have an outhouse. Well, 2. One marked "women" and one marked "men". 

NGB was raised partially on the farm as were my parents. They all laughed uproariously as I danced the pee-pee dance and fought the suggestion to pee in the wooden box. After a bit of teasing, to prove to them I am NOT a wimpy city girl, I walked bravely to the outhouse and unlocked the door. The door that is locked in THREE ways on the outside... With some struggling I got it, opened the door and saw... 

Well, what could I really be expecting? Gold plated seats? I small heater? A hand sanitizer container filled with softy foral scented soap? No. But I could have expected a ROOF. Something to prevent the snow from piling on the cold splintered wood with the oval shaped hole. I stared... I tried to suck it up, be a tough girl. But the thought of snow on my sensitive behind? No. I stepped away and told NGB, who was beside me, that I would wait until we got to the hall. He offered me his boy-outhouse. With no toilet paper or light. Then my stomach turned from the scent and I said no. I think it turned his stomach too, he walked away with me. Or it could have been that he ddn't want to stoop over to pee in the hole (the outhouse itself was a few inches shorter than him). 

Willing away the bladder pain I walked into the church, through a throng of my aunt & uncle's pierced grandsons and made my way into the tiny church. I found my aunt and gave her a hug. We talked and I mentioned the outhouse... the sun-roofed outhouse. She laughed at my squeemishness and told me I should have squatted behind it. 

You are not taught how to squat in the city. You are taught to assess a place for the cleanliness of their bathrooms, or to find a place that has cheap drinks in case it's "customers only". As I explained to my aunt that to successfully pee in the bush I need to disrobe from the waist down (shoes and socks included), pile everything on a log or some other raised surface then walk 10 feet  away, preferrably downhill,  to do my business. She began to chuckle and called me a "sprayer". 

I am sprayer. Hear me tinkle! 

But I was able to make her smile on a sad day. And successfully made my way to the hall before the service, to pee in the flushing toilets over there.

Day 124 of 365

  1. Flushing toilets
  2. Roofs over flushing toilets
  3. Tim Horton's French Vanilla Iced Capp (with whipping cream)
  4. Having something else to hang over NGB's head... he ate my ENTIRE dessert in one bite when there were no more to be had. Blackmail! 
  5. Family

Day 123 of 365

  1. For the first time ever, my aunt was able to say "I love you too"
  2. Listening to my mom tell the same story about the same corner every time we drive in the area where she grew up
  3. NGB in a suit - he cleans up purtty
  4. The drive home before rush hour starts. It is SO much calmer
  5. Prem sandwiches on a day when I am craving salt (and lacking in any taste, apparently)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Day 122 of 365

  1. My mom. Happy Mother's Day Hakka
  2. Potato pancakes and sour cream
  3. Lazy, slightly hungover afternoons
  4. Another boss down in 10 man
  5. The trees are starting to bud leaves

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Day 121 of 365

  1. A new hair colour
  2. A clean house just in time for guests
  3. Loads of food and beer and wine (for guests)
  4. Having guests over
  5. Sherman and Walter laying side my side in the sun

Friday, May 8, 2009

Day 120 of 365

  1. Lunch with great girlfriends
  2. A busy and active week ahead
  3. The excitement my pups show when I pick them up from daycare
  4. NGB's new cologne - YUM
  5. Cute summer shoes are out for the next few months! 

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Day 119 of 365

  1. A semi-successful raid
  2. Having work to do that made me think
  3. Lunch with the old friend I reconnected with - it was like we had never stopped talking
  4. Job possibilities for NGB
  5. My parents safely home from their conference

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Day 118 of 365

  1. Finding my cute white shoes again
  2. Running into an old friend who I forgot I missed
  3. A relaxing bath with a fluff book
  4. Almost success with a new yummy recipe
  5. Falling asleep with 2 puppies at my feet

Day 117 of 365

  1. Honest conversation with a coworker I respect
  2. Understanding that the project looked so much at the trees that it missed the forest
  3. Coming home to the man I love
  4. Having my leadership experience in a video game discussed in a MBA business class
  5. Knowing it is time to move on

Monday, May 4, 2009

A different kind of mourning

This weekend there was a death in the family. My uncle passed away. Uncle by marriage, my mom's sister's husband. And yet I feel no sadness...

My Uncle was an old-school kind of man. He was born and raised on the farm in an era that no longer exists. And yet those antiquated ideas lived on in him. 

Man is the head of the household. 
No love shown, no support given. 
However abuse, both emotional and physcial, is given at will. 

He was a hard working man, he gave his family everything they needed except love. 

My aunt's story is sad and while it is not mine to tell I want to still have the words out there, somewhere, for someone to see. So that someone knows the wonderful woman whose life was not fair. 

Let's go back to her childhood. My grandfather was not around much on the farm. He was away, in the city, with other women. When he was around home he had nothing but anger to give his family. My grandmother was also an angry woman who hated the way life ended up. She was unable to show love. My aunt was raised in this house (as was my mother and my uncle). 

Off on a tangent I go! One day I was visiting my aunt in the hospital after one of her many operations to replace another part of her body that was worked until it broke. She was groggy on pain medications and alone in her drab hospital room, built in the 50's. On impluse, I crawled into bed with her ,wrapped my arms around her and we talked. I think it was the medications that let her drop her guard but she actually talked to me. She told me that her childhood was hard. I know it was hard for my mother, but she spoke about how she would try to shield her younger brother and sister from the worst. At the first chance to get out, only by marriage in that day, she left. A child still, not even 18, she married a dashing young man who farmed near where she was raised. My uncle. And almost from the start it was wrong. My uncle did not know how to show love. And then more anger, just like her childhood... she didn't actually get away. 

That same hospital trip where I hugged her and we talked, my mom bought her a silly teddy bear. Small, something from the gift shop. My aunt held it close, like a baby, and had tears in her eyes. A woman in her 60's.... and this was her first stuffed bear. 

Well, after over a half-century of marriage my aunt is alone. My uncle died, they could never figure out what was going wrong... he was too ill for the testing. 

I don't mourn his death although I know I should. I mourn the loss of her life, her happiness, her dreams. And now that she has a chance to find some happiness I am scared that it's too late, that she is too broken, too used to the lack of love to know anything else. 

Day 116 of 365

  1. Vanilla Bean Lattes
  2. Applying for a job I am very excited about
  3. Baconator for dinner (screw the diet!)
  4. Getting around to sorting my shoes.... I have too many
  5. The snorful sound Sherm makes when he's reaching to grab something

Day 115 of 365

  1. Sunday brunch with wonderful friends and their families
  2. Getting B&BW lemon soap for the kitchen (it smells like happy!)
  3. A few more projects crossed off the list
  4. Watching the pups play chase in the backyard under the sun
  5. 2 more bosses in Ulduar! 

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Day 114 of 365

  1. Summer is in the air! 
  2. Getting a new and environmentally friendly mower
  3. Ulduar 10, new bosses killed
  4. Sleepy sunny puppies
  5. Watching a movie with NGB and the pups

Friday, May 1, 2009

Day 113 of 365

  1. Volunteering our house for a "shooter party"
  2. My hair is long enough for an itty-bitty teeny-weeny little ponytail!!!
  3. www.fmylife.com - hours of fun! Although damn... a lot of kids have sex
  4. A compliment on how guild has been running
  5. More confirmation I need to find a new job

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Day 112 of 365

  1. My morning decaf soy latte so assauge the guilt I feel for mising a work deadline
  2. Cheap chinese for lunch (more guilt to be taken care of)
  3. A night out for a "retirement" party with friends 
  4. With a few Strongbows (lingering guilt)
  5. A productive meeting in the afternoon, when I didn't feel quite AS stupid

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Day 111 of 365

  1. Accidental free fries
  2. NGB supporting me through my grumpy moods
  3. My cycle starting... the explanation for why I have been so grumpy! 
  4. NGB joining a band - it's great to see him have an outlet for his passion
  5. Tears... they release all the unhappy inside 

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Day 110 of 365

This is Tuesday....
  1. Caring so much about the "strangers" you game with that a tear comes when they leave
  2. A great raid anyways
  3. Finding a few jobs to apply for
  4. An evening nap before raid
  5. Popcorn as an appetizer

Day 109 of 365

  1. A yummy new dinner dish
  2. Snuggling on the couch
  3. BIG BANG THEORY! Funniest show on TV right now
  4. Remembering to watch BBT for the first time in weeks
  5. Making it through another Monday with no caffeine

Monday, April 27, 2009

Day 108 of 365

  1. Lazy afternoon naps
  2. A new world event
  3. Finishing "The Book of Negroes" by Lawrence Hill - a good read! 
  4. Cookie Dough Blizzard for dessert
  5. Making it through a bad raid

Day 107 of 365

Complete brain fart weekend... heeeeere's Saturday! 
  1. Getting out for a coffee with a dear friend. It was too short and accidently caffienated but wonderful nonetheless
  2. Dinner with my family
  3. The Boss for lunch
  4. Maybe finding a job I'd really like to apply for... 
  5. The cost to fix my noxious car will only be the equivalent of one kidney (not both)

Friday, April 24, 2009

Day 106 of 365

  1. My "incentive t-shirt" fits!
  2. My car that has manifold issues didn't suffocate me with it's noxious gases on the ride to work
  3. Despite it being winter cold outside, the sun is glorious
  4. Looking forward to a glass of wine tonight 
  5. TGIF! 

Day 105 of 365

We speak now of Thursday. 
  1. Two more bosses down in Ulduar
  2. Another yummy home-cooked dinner
  3. Finding a new song to fall in love with
  4. Decaf soy lattes... not bad for me and tastes so almost yummy
  5. The possibility of having friends over for dinner on Saturday

Hello again! Let me purge my soul to you...

First, I have fallen in love with yet another song. Mykonos, by Fleet Foxes. It has a very 60's inspired sound and very addictive. Or maybe I have some OCD... either way. Worth a listen to. 

More attempts at marginally healthy. I have started following the GI Diet again, and am doing well with it. It takes more planning at dinner (than running to Wendy's for a burger) but so far the food has been good and filling and I am down a few more pounds! I have also broken up with caffeine, my former BFF... I still long for it's companionship but know this is better. I am sitting here enjoying a soy decaf latte and almost pretending it's as good as the real-deal. And... I have given up wine on school-nights. All these positive changes! And soon the nicotine will disappear again and the exercise will start... and if I can keep it up I will be healthy! How... dull.

Gaming life is good. The guild is doing better, some people that left a few months ago are back and we're filling raids with good players and having fun again. Some stress too, as things have changed since they left and they don't always realize that. But it's better than it has been in awhile. At least we aren't scrambling to fill raids. Now we can focus on moving ahead with no drama and set goals to achieve.

Real life is good too. I am in my job until the end of June, with hopes of staying after that (if possible) with the desire to still find something else. I like the people I work with, but do not see the world in the same way as my boss, and that can be difficult. He's a traditional rule-bound man. Rules are there to be followed to the T, and he can't envision anyone NOT following the rules as they are written down. The softer side; the political implications, the optics, the loopholes... he doesn't see that. He doesn't live in that world and can't imagine anyone else living there. And the one thing I am sure of in life is that I hate certainty, while still desiring security and stability... Wait. I was certain about something, and then? I had to put it in perspective. Soften it to my comfortable shade of grey. This is one thing about me that drive NGB off the deep end. He is comfortable making definitive statements of "If x were to happen, then all problems would be solved". I say "If x were to happen, then some problems would be solved but what about Y and Z's perspectives... they may not see it the same way... and then we can't forget that A is never satisfied...". He sees it as me disagreeing. I see it as me adding the grey-filled context that makes me feel balanced. Maybe this is why I hate math... how can there be only ONE right answer?! 

And right now NGB is in a hard place. He hasn't been working in awhile, and with the economy the way it is finding a job is not easy. And he takes not getting an interview personally, which makes it harder to apply for the next one. It's fascinating, when you meet a person one of the first questions asked is "What do you do?". In society a job, and what job you have, defines you as a person and is the basis of social judgment. And when you say "I am looking for work"... Every day that passes without an interview is harder for him, ever hour of not working makes his self-worth plummet more. And with him, that results in grumpiness which leads to him being more snappish and sometimes me feeling like I need to walk on eggshells. But he is really trying so hard to not be grumpy and I am trying so hard (and failing) to let him know that I don't disagree with him to upset him but that maybe I just have a different opinion... 

I have a question, internet. Hypothetically, of course *wink* If someone says something that you do not agree with, for whatever reason. Or you see something as slightly different. If you just smile and nod, does that imply you DO agree? Ok. I suck at hypothetical. NGB has opinions, and when I may not 100% agree, I tell him. He says I just think he is never right... I see it as different perspectives. And if I don't say anything then later he can come to me and say that since I didn't say anything, that means that I agree. But if I don't? It's a delicate balance, for me, since I hate misrepresnting my opinion and how I see things. Where is the line between being disagreeable and sharing your perspective? Part of it is how I say it... I start with "No" and then the rest is softer. He hears no, feels hurt and demasculinated (a word? me thinks not, but meh) and doesn't hear the rest. I have to change that vocal tic... 

But, really, life is good. NGB is good. Gaming is good. The house and dogs are good. It is all... good. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Day 104 of 365

  1. A FABULOUS raid last night - while I am stepping away I am also finding a new love of the game
  2. Some old friends coming back to guild
  3. We had a healthy dinner last night, Blueberry Hamburgers and Sweet Potatoe Fries (yes, that IS a healthy meal!)
  4. I fit into pants I bought years ago that needed hemming and I gained too much weight before the hemming was done
  5. Feeling NGB's hand on the small of my back as I fell asleep

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Day 103 of 365

  1. Making it through the first day back to work
  2. Giving up caffeine always and alcohol on school nights
  3. Being able to play my silly game with some good friends again
  4. Eating healthy 2 out of 3 meals
  5. NGB enabling the p'zone for dinner 

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Day 102 of 365

  1. Happy Easter to the Orthodox! 
  2. Spening time with my wonderful family
  3. The best home-made cheese... the name kind of sounds like "booze"
  4. Seeing a dear friend's son for the first time
  5. Feeling happy to log on again... stepping away is good for me

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Day 101 of 365

  1. Being happier again... stepping AWAY from the WoW and focusing on other things, like baking and puttering around the house
  2. Caught up on the laundry! YAY! 
  3. Pen n' paper gaming night, always good for a laugh or two (or hundreds)
  4. The upstairs vacuumed
  5. The sound of the birds singing in the sunshine

Friday, April 17, 2009

Day 100 of 365

  1. Triple digit GiSTs... I can't believe I made it this far!
  2. Getting something done around the house... and WANTING to again
  3. Grocery shopping. I love grocery shopping!
  4. NGB. I love him so much
  5. A good hair day

Day 99 of 365

  1. Getting into Ulduar - new content! 
  2. My tax return money is in the bank
  3. We have a date for the air conditioning install
  4. The sound of Sherman's barks
  5. I have broken a bit of my WoW addiction... 

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Day 98 of 365

  1. Paint colour samples for the dogs room
  2. Getting to wear my new spring coat (bought early last winter)
  3. My curly hair
  4. Part 1 of re-organizing the garage is done!
  5. My 4-legged and hairy shadows... I am never alone with them constantly under my feet

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Day 97 of 365

  1. Lunch with a fabulous friend
  2. Spring cleaning (and de-cluttering) the bathroom - it looks so much better
  3. 3.1 is live today! Although that has meant maintenance and down time all day
  4. The fact that the snow that fell today (more snow!) is already melting
  5. Actually using iTunes... next step? Using my iPod!!

Day 96 of 365

Monday... this is Monday. Days blur on vacation.
  1. Being taken out for breakfast
  2. Finishing purging the spare room - we can ACTUALLY have guests stay the night now!
  3. Putting my corkboard up in hopes of being less cluttered
  4. Getting a label maker. I have ALWAYS wanted a label maker!!!!
  5. Feeling lighter as the house gets uncluttered

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Day 95 of 365

  1. Easter dinner with my crazy family
  2. That NGB can put up with my crazy family
  3. That no one in my crazy family called me fat or old (this time)
  4. My size 29 jeans? Loose!!!!!!
  5. Two puppies licking my feet

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Day 94 of 365

  1. Day 2 of vacation and I have GiSTed both days
  2. Cookie Dough Blizzards
  3. Spring is here -and the yard is mostly doody free!
  4. Going for a walk with NGB and the pups - the pups were mostly well beahved too
  5. 8 days of vacation left!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Day 93 of 365

  1. Making perogies and gossiping all day with my mom
  2. Taking the dogs to PetSmart where they charm everyone they meet
  3. Sleeping in on a WEEKDAY
  4. Dallas Pizza with the folks
  5. The first rain and rainbow of 2009 

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Day 92 of 365

  1. A wonderful date night with NGB (the best Chinese food in Edmonton and browsing through a bookstore)
  2. Crispy BBQ Pork - Best. Deep-fried. Food. EVAR. (except maybe deep-friend mars bars. maybe)
  3. Feeling a much needed distance from WoW and the guild
  4. Watching the pups run around like idiots in the back yard. The digging and walking through the mud is not as much fun...  

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Day 91 of 365

  1. That NGB (while not supporting it) accepts my unhealthy coping mechanisms
  2. Coworkers that leave Easter chocolates on my desk - thank you Sandra D.!
  3. Having the guts to wear cullotts with no tights - the first day of bare legs! Was I hasty? Yes... but I tried
  4. The potted daffodils on my desk - maybe despite my black thumb there is a part of me that loves plants and is yearning to be a gardener

Something real...

I have been struggling with something to write... something that is real. My little lists can only go so far. But there is so little to say but still so much I want to say. 

My work is good. While I am not sure I can stay in my position, I am here until June 30 which is an extension. Am I inspired? Maybe not, but I am challenged at times and keeping myself busy. And I got a raise and am getting a bonus this year. Yay money! 

My relationship is good. Perfect? No. But really, really good. The only thing we argue about is WoW and the guild. Although, to be honest, right now there isn't much more in our lives than WoW and the guild. We kind of need to branch out more... and are starting to. Are there things about him that drive me nuts? Of course! Can I move beyond them? Of course - except the taxes thing. The NOT doing his taxes thing. Eats a tiny little part of my soul everytime I think of it, but I know that one day he WILL have to finish them. Right? Please say yes... (but I have to say, I am proud of me for not nagging. Yet.)

The dogs are wonderful and joyful little balls of furry love. 

The game... the guild. It's eating at my life, my stomach wall... it already ate my desire not to smoke leaving a RAVENOUS smoke-monster in it's place. So many people, so many different expectations, so much drama, personalities, and conflicting desires. So little open communication. This hobby, a VIDEO game, is now a cancer in my life. Growing, festering, choking out the fun and happiness. And when I am not playing the game? I am thinking about it, what's happening in guild, with the people, wondering how we'll do in a raid, who will freak, who will fail. I am constantly yearning for the initial joy I felt when I started - the simple fun. 

I just got a call from the wonderful NGB who has planned an exciting night of foods and activities AWAY from the house and the cancer. Er... the game. I love that man so much

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Day 90 of 365

  1. Taking a break for the afternoon from all things WoW and guild... and feeling so much happier by doing that
  2. That even the harshest criticism about me, personlly, doesn't hurt. What does hurt is not succeeding
  3. Hugging my former boss at lunch today. Although maybe I partially did it to make her uncomfortable... 
  4. Being ok with the thought of getting a new hobby. Like cleaning the house or exercising
  5. Only 2 days until vacation starts! 

Monday, April 6, 2009

Day 89 of 365

  1. My secondment has been extended to June 30!! 
  2. I am taking next week off!! 
  3. So many projects around the huse get to be started and finished!!
  4. I get a bonus this year!! 
  5. Faith that Mondays can be a good day too :) 

Day 88 of 365

  1. What could have been a bad raid and a bad guild meeitng was surprisingly positive
  2. More purging! More stuff out of the house! 
  3. Brunch with NGB and my parents. And my dad saying I looked skinnier
  4. Kissing the top of the head of a puppy that has been baking htemselves in the sun
  5. Making plans with NGB for a decadent and yummy BBQ dinner for Monday

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Day 87 of 365

  1. A fabulous day shopping with a friend
  2. A gorgeous cobalt blue trench coat for a steal
  3. Taking the time to sort my tupperware... it's been driving me nuts! 
  4. Finding a new and amazing Thai restaurant
  5. Puppy kisses between my toes

Friday, April 3, 2009

Day 86 of 365

  1. A raise I was not expecting!
  2. That I still have hope even though my perfect job went to interview without me
  3. I gave a speech about doing your best in raid, and it wasn't a complete flop even though people still sucked
  4. People in guild do see me as a leader... maybe I could to it for real
  5. The right job is out there waiting for me

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Day 85 of 365

  1. My benefits program - contacts for free! 
  2. The ability to survive yet another piece of guild upheaval (I hope)
  3. Plans to take a step away from WoW and focus on other parts of life, like friends and the house and gardening and finding new hobbies
  4. NGB  reported some definite signs of spring! But now it's snowing... 
  5. Daffodils

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Day 84 of 365

  1. My car is fixed for CHEAP
  2. NGB introducing me hot dogs wrapped in pillsbury crescent rolls - OMG yum!
  3. April 1 and no pranks fallen for
  4. Watching puppies sleep in the sun
  5. Random and unexpected foot rubs

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Day 83 of 365

  1. That NGB forgave me for being such a grump this morning
  2. I have not cried today (yet)
  3. The guts call the dentist for an appointment because I know I have a cavity... 
  4. I have confidence in me and in my abilities. Finally.
  5. Unicorns and rainbows and cotton candy and kittens
Yes, I am not having a good day. 
Yes, I am struggling for GiSTs. 
Yes, I know I haven't posted real content in awhile. 
Yes, I know that no one notices :) 

To Wednesday being better!!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Day 82 of 365

  1. There is so much to read (and waste time with) on the internet
  2. An efficient line for morning coffee
  3. NGB. Right now, I am just so grateful he is in my life. 
  4. My car will one day, eventually, be fixed
  5. Achieving an in-game goal

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Day 81 of 365

  1. Bookclub brunch! 
  2. NGB being more and more in touch with his moods... and recognizing them for what they are
  3. Finishing RL Naxx... actually had to strategize! And I still do not like doing it 
  4. Curled up next to NGB on a Sunday afternoon for a little nap in the sun
  5. The smell of Walter's feet when he is sleeping in the sun. They smell just like Fritos!! 

Day 80 of 365

  1. Getting my act together to get my car fixed
  2. A fabulous brunch with NGB
  3. Geeking out with friends by candlelight in commemoration of Earth Hour
  4. Role-playing. It's like acting in your home, in a safe place, where people won't judge if you don't have a modicum of acting skills (unlike a drama prof)
  5. Size. Twenty. Nine. 

Friday, March 27, 2009

Day 79 of 365

  1. That I fit into a size 29 jean. Not even caring if it's vanity sizing... TWENTY-NINE people!  
  2. Not falling on my apparently skinnier ass when I slipped on ice in front of the garage this morning
  3. Streaming video and doggy daycare. I got to watch my littlest shithead pee on one of the doggy beds... back to square one with him *sigh*
  4. Seriously... 29!! Woot!! 
  5. Having a semi-successful alt Naxx run with me as RL - although I am so not being RL ever again

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Day 78 of 365

  1. My awesome coworkers - I will miss them when I am gone
  2. That I am somehow convincd it's only Tuesday... and tomorrow is Friday!
  3. Edo for lunch. I may have to loosen the strap again, but it was yummy
  4. The job I really want is sitll screening so there is still the chance I will get an interview!
  5. That I remembered to wish my Gracie a happy birthday

Day 77 of 365

  1. Finally getting it - my body needs water. My skin has turned to parchment when I went back to just a few glasses a day. 
  2. Things in guild and in game are going really well
  3. Warmer weather on the horizon - I need me some SPRING
  4. Getting my act together to book the AC install, lawn work, car repairs, order contacts, and all those other things I have been ignoring
  5. Having to tighten my bra strap - I am not losing weight in numbers but it's still nice to have to tighten things up again 

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Day 76 of 365

  1. That my dear friend has moved someone completely unworthy of her time out of her life
  2. A compliment from a coworker that I handled myself well in a meeting
  3. That I may have a better idea about whether I will stay in my curent position... my coworker said he's going to miss me when I am gone
  4. Feeling a LITTLE skinnier
  5. Leaving work early today

Monday, March 23, 2009

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

To start, the title? A fallacy. Research has shown that extended levels of high stress will have a deleterious effect on your health. We are not, biologically, built for the sustained daily stress we place ourselves under. Fight or flight just doesn't fit today's society. But DESPITE the evidence right now I am believeing the title is true. For my sanity.

I am an officer in guild. In a video game. And so, based on the fact I am the sucker who has agreed to step up and help out, it is ok to rip me apart, since it's what I am paid to do. 

What? You aren't paid? You put up with this shit for FREE? Damn... you are not smart.

We had minor guild drama last night over loot. So in vent, in game, in whispers, in person I had people talking, telling me what I should think/do/say/feel/believe, what I did wrong because it didn't end the way they liked, what I did right because it went the way they liked. 

This is a fabulous learning lesson for me. How to motivate people to do their best (when they aren't getting paid for it), how to praise them for their best (with no money attached), how to reprimand when they are not up to par (again... no money to take away). I am learning when to keep it light, when to be more serious. I am more confident about making a decision but will admit when I make a mistake also. This definitely will help me as I move higher in management in my real job. 

Although last night, as I stood in front of NGB with tears in my eyes, a beer in my hand and letting him know I was going outside for my hidden cigarette... I was not seeing the benefit of this at all. 

Day 75 of 365

And we are to today!! 
  1. Having Walter spend the entire night in bed with us, even though he didn't actually sleep anywhere NEAR me - it was all about daddy
  2. Not giving into temptation and eating chicken mcnuggets for lunch
  3. The new Depeche Mode song, that actually makes me dance in my chair (plus the video is amazing)
  4. Making a brand new commitment to being more productive in life, not just in game
  5. Every day, more and more, spring is in the air... I need the green back

Day 74 of 365

This is Sunday... 
  1. Not quitting being an officer, the guild and/or WoW... I really wanted to
  2. Getting my TAXES DONE! 
  3. Getting money back on my taxes, which will partially pay for our new air conditioning
  4. That I am learning to give in on the things that don't matter - not every battle is worth fighting
  5. That I can admit when I am wrong

Sunday, March 22, 2009

73 of 365

I am so behind on GiSTing. This is Sat.
  1. Indian food then Slumdog Millionaire - a great Saturday night date
  2. Spending the day with a dear friend and her adorable daughter
  3. Something clicking in my head and now I like my coffee black! 
  4. Foot rubs as I soak in a bubble bath
  5. almost being able to abandon socks/tights/nyons for a few months - spring come SOON

Saturday, March 21, 2009

72 of 365

  1. A long but productive meeting
  2. Dallas pizza for dinner
  3. The Battlestar Galactica Finale - GREAT tv!
  4. Getting to giggle at a drunken NGB
  5. Getting my 5 year anniversary gift at work - a wine chiller!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Day 71 of 365

  1. A fabulously busy day at work
  2. A raid that started off bad but became happier
  3. A&W for dinner
  4. A relaxing bubble bath
  5. Sleep. GLorious sleep. 

Update on a smile

Today I was walking to another meeting and I say "spare a smile" guy, from here. He still had the same sign, but he looked so much happier. There was not the same bleakness in his eyes. 

I think the smiles he gets from random strangers is starting to fill the part of him that was empty...

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Day 70 of 365

  1. That I can almost walk normally after the shred video Monday
  2. NGB is also sore from the video - I am not the only one out of shape
  3. Plans for wine and gossip with a dear friend tonight
  4. Making my deadlines today. Woot! 
  5. Tomorrow is the first day of Spring! 

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Exercising like a woman

Last night I convicned NGB to do the 30-day shred video with me. He has watched me do it twice now (over two weeks, yes, but I'll get better) and I am not sure he fully appreciated the pain of Ms. Jillian. 

He has some challenges initially. Poor guy is freakishly tall at 6'5" so jumping jacks and lifting his arms overhead in a low ceiling basement is not possible. But he did what he could and modified some exercises. 

About half way through he dropped his arms to his sides, stopped jumping and with a look of exasperation and pain asked:

"When did you stop loving me? Why would you make me DO THIS VIDEO??"

Exercise like a girl, baby... it burns real nice *grin*

Day 69 of 365

  1. Happy green-beer day!! 
  2. I won on r-r-r-roll up the rim to win! A cup of coffee, but I won
  3. Getting my expense claim in with only a few hiccups
  4. Lunch at my fave vietnamese restaurant with some of my fave gals
  5. That my once too-tight plants are now only tight

Day 68 of 365

  1. A productive evening! Made dinner, filed doggy nails, exercised, did some stuff in game, did a load of laundry... woot! 
  2. Porridge for breakfast. I will learn to eat in the morning... I will!
  3. Getting caught up in the office after a few days away
  4. Clearing out the junk emails on my blackberry
  5. A fresh start to the being healthy thing

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Day 67 of 365

  1. Mommy food
  2. That NGB cleaned the house for me while I was away
  3. Napping in the sun at my parent's place
  4. Sleeping in my own bed 
  5. Napping at home with my puppies (I slept some today...)

Day 66 of 365

  1. Wireless internet that makes boring sessions more bearable
  2. Cheezies - imitations will not do! 
  3. Geeks everywhere can always have something to talk about
  4. Amazing and authentic spaghetti carbonara
  5. Sleeping next to NGB again 

Day 65 of 365

  1. Meeting my "twin" who looks nothing like me, is 10 years older... but a twin in spirit, nonetheless
  2. Spending $38 (plus tip) on wine from the hotel that I bought Friday night for $9 per bottle
  3. Liesurely mornings with no commute
  4. A good conference, filled with learning
  5. Planning ahead and packing too much - can never be too prepared

Day 64 of 365

Wow.. so many days behind. Again, sent out of town on work and was undisciplined
  1. A sunny day and dry highway for a winter roadtrip
  2. A nice hotel to stay in (thank goodness I didn't have to pay for it)
  3. A HOT bath in a deep bathtub
  4. Loud music to bop my way down the highway to
  5. Even if you don't accept the turn down service at the hotel, they still give you the chocolates

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Comparing and I lost...

Last night NGB and I were comparing stomach rolls. Not sexy, but we were both complaining about our weight and showing off our excess. We decided to bring numbers into it. I told him my number. With shock and incredulity in his voice he said...

"Wow! You don't look that heavy"


Well, at least I don't LOOK it. But I am it... time to lose this extra. 

And, no one was harmed after statements that could be seen to be insulting. Or offensive. Or downright MEAN. Yet. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Day 63 of 365

  1. That today will be the last -30 day we'll see until the end of the year (I hope)
  2. Tomorrow will be warmer, and the day after that warmer still
  3. NGB is 4 pounds down! Although I am only 2 pounds down...
  4. Another dear friend is expecting! So many babies everwhere! 
  5. Big Bang Theory. I love that show!

Day 62 of 365

This was Monday... 
  1. That I managed to get a few things done around the house 
  2. The PERFECT bath water temperature
  3. When all 4 of us hang out in the bathroom while I have a bath. It used to be invasive, now it's just normal
  4. Listening to NGB read Vonnegut to me
  5. Being able to intelligently discuss the Vonnegut shorts with NGB afer we finish each one

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Day 61 of 365

  1. 2 hour nap with the pups and NGB
  2. Getting to see my new blog template! 
  3. Making revisions to the blog template... 
  4. A decent raid, considering there weren't a lot of folks
  5. Finally feeling sleepy at midnight

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Day 60 of 365

  1. Going on a date with NGB to see the Watchmen movie
  2. Having ice cream with NGB, when it's -20C outside
  3. New bookmarks! I have so many books on the go... 
  4. My second bit of guild work, also went well
  5. A new and lighter hair colour

Friday, March 6, 2009

Day 59 of 365

  1. Dairy Queen ice cream
  2. My first bit of official guild work, and it went ok
  3. A puppy sleeping on your lap and snoring
  4. A puppy sleeping on NGB's lap (I am comfort, he is play - it was nice seeing him as comfort)
  5. Loving myself, just the way I am

How a video game taught me something

Last night I was officially made an officer in my guild in a silly video game that I play way too much. And I am SO PROUD. I want to celebrate! And there is no one to celebrate with. My coworkers do not understand. My "normal" friends do not understand. The geeks I know (that don't play) do not understand. My friends in game, many of them used to be officers so I don't want to go there. NGB is going through some stuff that is way more important than a video game... 

This, I think, is part of the learning I need. Restraint. I go through life like big slobbery puppy. Having to do this, to be proud of me quietly and inside, is important. Something I have always respected in others and now I can emulate in myself. 

But maybe, just maybe, I'll have a quiet glass of wine with me tonight to celebrate. 

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Day 58 of 365

  1. My secondment looks like it will be extended to June 30
  2. My office is clean for the first time in a long time
  3. I am also caught up on my office filing
  4. It's quitting time!
  5. Tomorrow I can wear jeans to work
Wow... I am oozing meh. 

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Day 57 of 365

  1. That I have officially been asked to be an officer in guild
  2. A full day of meetings, where I felt productive
  3. NGB to come home to vent to
  4. That he understands that all venting must not result in solutions
  5. Another day of reasonably healthy eating

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Where my head is at

My life is good. I am in an amazing relationship with my best friend, I have a house I can afford, adorable dogs that make me smile, a decent job with promising career prospects, fabulous parents, great friends. But there is a part of my life I am not happy about. My personal health. 

I have NOT been taking care of myself. Life exhausts me mentally and physically... I am just tired. And it's that tiredness that makes the thought of doing much of anything utterly overwhelming. I have some ideas about what is setting this off. Quitting smoking. Quitting birth control and getting used to the natural hormones. Being the largest I have ever been and the sheer effort it takes to move this much of me around... When your fat clothes are tight you KNOW there is a problem. 

I have started taking the small steps to bring my health back and NGB has been perfectly supportive, as he struggles along with me. There are the physical parts (exercise, good food, sleep) but the mental steps need to be there too. As me and NGB worked to strengthen our relationship, I realized how many unhealthy thoughts and beliefs I held on to. I thought I was so figured out, so psychologically fit, and then another layer of the Onion that is Life was peeled back, I saw the next level of work and growth. 

Being healthy was a new years resolution that never really got off the ground. I am here to renew my vows with this resolution. 

I will exercise (30-day shreddin' it, bay-bee)
I will drink enough water
I will eat better and give up fast food as often
I will be real with myself and really be myself

However, with all the water drinking comes... Excuse me while I (AGAIN) powder my nose *wink*

EDIT: it is driving me nuts to see the title end in "at", although it was done on purpose. But I will leave it and view this as a growing experience. Even though it drives me nuts... 

Day 56 of 365

  1. Twisted Fork restaurant, yummy food for CHEAP
  2. Doing the 30-day Shred video for the second time. And I even had an out, since I was heading for dinner. But I did it anyways. WOO HOO!
  3. Drinking 10 glasses of water yesterday
  4. Salad for lunch and I feel sated with that
  5. A very active week planned ahead - it feels good to get out and move!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Bad Monday. Bad.

Today is a bad day. 

I came to work to find my vacation request (for this Friday) refused so that I can't go to the mountains with the Fabs. Then I found out that my boss will likely un-approve my conference next week. Because it will cost him $160 more than he thought. 

I was sad, I was feeling beat down then kicked and emailed NGB to vent. But then NGB made my chest burst into 1 million happiness stars with this response in his email...

"Wow, two emotional kicks in one day! I am truly sorry, and understand why you feel sad about it all. Just know there is a safe and warm house to return home to, and that we will have a very nice dinner tonight. This too will pass, and we will navigate it together."

Damn, I have an amazing man in my life. 

All this comes in the time of great economic uncertainty, recessions, talk about hiring freezes at work, my secondment ending soon and NGB still hunting for work. But I know that the neo-geeks will come through ok and we'll do it together. 

Day 55 of 365

  1. NGB who is there to support me through a bad day at work
  2. My girlfriends that understand when I can't make it to the girl's weekend
  3. Origami stars from Viv that brighten my desk and day
  4. Dinner out with my parents and NGB tonight
  5. My coworker that is cheering me on with my desire for weight loss

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Day 54 of 365

  1. Watching a great movie on a Sunday morning
  2. Cold pizza for breakfast
  3. Finally being able to have a bath (after needing to recaulk the tub... again)
  4. NGB being there me when I have a complete break down over my body shape and size after having the above mentioned bath
  5. The snorfuls of playing puppies

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Day 53 of 365

  1. Doing the crossword in the newspaper over a cup of coffee on a Saturday morning
  2. Eating breakfast again 
  3. A wonderful evening with some amazing girlfriends
  4. Marble slab birthday cake ice cream cake with oreo crumbs and cookie dough
  5. NGB holding me close to warm me when I come to bed cold

Day 52 of 365

  1. My new Intak water bottle
  2. Costco hotdogs. Almost as good as IKEA hotdogs! 
  3. Packaged pomegranite seeds. All the flavour, none of the effort
  4. Battlestar Galactica. Amazing and modern sci-fi
  5. Indian buffet with an old friend I haven't seen in years

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Day 51 of 365

  1. Hiring somone to make a good blog design for me!
  2. Me and NGB having a serious conversation about our unhealthy eating habits
  3. Starting tomorrow, eating healthier
  4. Having beer for dinner tonight
  5. And feeling no regret. Only a slight buzz

Day 50 of 365

  1. Finishing a project at work
  2. Booking our hotel to PAX!! It's all ready to go
  3. Putting cream on NGB's cracked, old-man feet to make them happy again
  4. The sun starting to feel like a spring sun (despite the fact it's still cold)
  5. Longer days... Sun after 4pm is AMAZING

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Day 49 of 365

  1. My Health & Learning account that will pay for the gym membership I never use
  2. Crystal Light Cherry Pomegranite drink singles - yum!
  3. That the work day is almost over... 
  4. The fabulous aching burn of exercised muscles
  5. McDonalds Chicken McNuggets with BBQ and Tangy Mustard sauce

My love seems shallow in comparison

I love lists. I love making lists, crossing things off lists, adding things to lists so that I can cross them off... I LOVE lists.  But my love is shallow compared to this website.

Check out the sample lists. A list of questions to ask at family dinner, and a place to record the answers. A list to make shopping at Target easier. Lists of family meals, with preferences... There is a list for EVERYTHING here.

I think I need to go make a list of reasons I adore lists, just to prove to myself that my love is real... 

Monday, February 23, 2009

Day 48 of 365

  1. Exercising again! First time in months... MONTHS!!
  2. NGB not laughing as I did my exercise video, even though my jiggling and huffing and puffing would be hilarious to watch
  3. Nachos for dinner... sometimes you just have to
  4. Another achievement for the achievement crew! Emerald Void :)
  5. A beer to end the day. I was healthy once today... that is a start!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Day 47 of 365

  1. Brit's Fish and Chips for lunch
  2. Deep freind Mars bars... Possibly the most perfect dessert
  3. Being able to make your cousin (who is in the hospital) laugh
  4. NGB coming up to give me a huge and random hug, just because he loves me
  5. Listening to puppy snores

Day 46 of 365

  1. World of Darkness with a few glasses of wine and wonderful friends!
  2. That NGB took to pen&paper gaming the way I did to computer gaming
  3. That coke easily wipes off the interior of your car, when the can explodes in said car
  4. A perfectly warm bubble bath
  5. Sleeping in until your body just can't sleep anymore

Day 45 of 365

  1. Tickets to PAX? Bought! 
  2. Flight to Seattle for PAX? Bought! 
  3. Scared about going there with people I have never met but still looking forward to it? Bough... er... yes :) 
  4. Coming home from work after a long day to find NGB has made dinner, and has eveything set on the table waiting for me 
  5. NGB reaching out in his sleep, to brush his fingers against my forehead and smile

Thursday, February 19, 2009


When was the last time I typed anything other than the (almost) daily list? While it is a great reminder (to me) of the little things that I have been doing, it is not an entertaining read if you aren't me.

But one thing that does make me smile, that others can understand, is my love of words. I have been reading since I can remember and my parents still tell stories about me devouring 4-5 books a week. And I am one of THOSE people that must own the books I read, in case I ever want to read the book again. While I am not sure I have the skill to put words together in the most perfect form, I do appreciate the beauty of words. I love the sound of a great word when it rolls off your tongue. And I found a GREAT site with words. Just words... sometimes a definition. But mostly just a word. And often a really cool word! A new favorite is "kakistocracy". Say it aloud... feel it roll off the tongue. So much FUN! I must figure out how to slip this into a conversation. I work for government... shouldn't be hard. 

I saw an ex today. Although it's funny that he's an ex now, considering we never officially dated, we were just in each other's lives for many years. And many times we almost entered an official relationship, but if we did we knew it would be a serious one. And neither of us were brave enough to take that step (at the same time). He is now married and about to have his second child, so we can't see each other often. He was near my work and we slipped away for a coffee. I looked at him, into his bright blue eyes and there was a certainty... He was my almost could-be-forever-guy but I know that my NGB is my definitely-is-forever-guy. NGB is the man that knows me best and loves me despite his knowledge. That rocks. 

There is no segue for this, but walking from a meeting today I saw a man standing on the street corner with a sign. I assumed (I hate when I do that). I assumed it would be asking for money. Instead it said "Spare a smile?". I looked in his eyes and there was such sadness there. And I smiled a genuine smile for him, one that started deep inside. He looked at my with gratefulness and said thank you. Maybe that was one of his GiSTs... 

Day 44 of 365

  1. NGB's garlic scalloped potatoes. AMG YUM!
  2. A quiet night of puttering around at home
  3. That my puppies are finally old enough to be fun to hang around, and not just hyper little balls of furry energy
  4. Pascual Toso Malbec (2004), an amazing wine that makes my taste buds smile
  5. Waking up in the middle of the night, curled up right next to NGB

Day 43 of 365

Missed another day... It is not that I am not grateful. I am! Life is good, life is happy... but it's just so mellow right now. Hard to think of something interesting to say. 
  1. That the horrible raid eventually ended
  2. An afternoon chocolate bar
  3. That the lotto is 48 million... there are so many daydreams to be had about how to spend the money!
  4. When my mom gives NGB a hug. It makes me happy to see it
  5. Every time NGB says "Someone should invent...". I love his ideas! Even the weird ones. ESPECIALLY the weird ones

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Day 42 of 365

  1. Caught up again!
  2. So  busy at work - the morning disappeared
  3. I managed to fix the DKP I messed up
  4. NGB has a job interview! 
  5. There is no real Monday this week - short weeks rock

Day 41 of 365

  1. Not taking my pjs off ALL DAY
  2. Getting a few projects around the house done (caulking, installing a light)
  3. Achievement team gets a few more done!
  4. Getting to know the names of the folks I game with. Nice to meet you Stephen, Roger, Tony and Keith! 
  5. Laughing to the point of tears before falling asleep next to NGB. I love ending my day with laughter

Day 40 of 365

Thinking about Sunday... what was my day like then?
  1. Finally vacuuming and mopping the floors! I have been so lazy for so long
  2. That NGB is starting to learn his moods, that he knows when he's being grumpy due to guilt, stress or hunger
  3. Another accomplishment in game, another boss down. One to go!
  4. Dim Sum
  5. Sleepy, snuggly puppies

Day 39 of 365

So many days behind...
  1. A fabulous brunch with me, NGB and my parents - I love the fact we're all friends
  2. Free bang touch-up cuts at my salon
  3. Karma, a perfume from Lush
  4. Going to a nice wine store and looking around at what they have to offer (and learning more about wines too)
  5. Malbec

Friday, February 13, 2009

Day 38 of 365

  1. TGIF!!!!!
  2. It's a long weekend
  3. That my dog's daycare has streaming video so I can watch my boys be freaks
  4. I finished the first draft of one of my projects
  5. Watching some reality on the work trip to remind me why I don't watch much TV

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Day 37 of 365

  1. I am almost caught up in my GiSTing
  2. My new coral nail polish - very spring, despite the fact it's very winter outside
  3. The perfect stretch, that makes every muscle tingle in happiness
  4. A work day that just flies by
  5. Planning a girls weekend in the mountains! 

Day 36 of 365

  1. That I am OMFG BUSY at work
  2. I have been asked to help out in guild and been given access to some officer discussion... they trust me enough to help out
  3. That I was invited to a brain storming meeting with the new ED. He thought I was smart enough to be there... and I did ok considering it started at 830am
  4. A break from NGB and the house and the dogs made me realize even more how much I love them (the boy and the dogs) and how much that house is my home
  5. After working hard on the road all morning, the afternoon to nap, soak int he tub, hang out on the computer... and get paid for it! 

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Day 35 of 365

The pressure is on... I was away for work and didn't GiST and now I am DAYS behind... 
  1. That I am not pregnant (it's not the right timing)
  2. That I am sad that I am not pregnant (despite it not being the right time, I am happy it could have happened)
  3. Sugar cookies.... yummy yummy sugar cookies
  4. A fun road trip with work grils
  5. That I am all done with the pregnancy talk

Monday, February 9, 2009

Day 34 of 365

  1. That this is the first time that I felt the slightest need to buy a pregnancy test
  2. That above mentioned test works faster than ever before
  3. That I will be out of town for the next couple of days, so I can take the test there and no one will know
  4. That I am really sure that I am not pregnant
  5. But if I am, I will be overjoyed to have created a person with NGB

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Day 33 of 365

  1. Marble Slab ice cream
  2. Pretty red nails
  3. Foot rubs
  4. Holding hands with NGB 
  5. Having a laptop to take with me on my roadtrip

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Day 32 of 365

  1. Lazy Saturdays. By choice, not by illness. 
  2. Jeans that make me look skinny-ish
  3. My warm and soft robe to snuggle in
  4. That Sherman has stopped peeing in the floor vent (although he has only done it once)
  5. My boston terrir head change purse

Friday, February 6, 2009

Do you know?

Do you know if your child is not... attractive? Every child is cute, but there is attractive cute and then there is a small human being cute. Madeline is perfectly, adorably, attractive cute (from Mat, Liz & Madeline). Others not as much.... No, I will never post a link to a less-than-attractive child. 

As a parent, do you know? Do you know that your child is not attractive or do the hormones and love take any of the objectiveness away? 

I can look at someone (human or pet) that I love and I can be objective. That I love them just the way they are but I know objectively, according to society's standards of attractiveness (often messed up, yes) are not being met. As a parent, though... And what if your child is not attractive? What if they are even ugly?

This is coming out so shallow. I would love my child for who they are and attractiveness does not matter. I just wonder... NGB and I have, in the past, talked about what if we had a child that wasn't "perfect". If there were health issues, developmental issues, or something as meaningless  as attractiveness I would not love the child less. 

But do you know? 

Day 31 of 365

  1. Arizona Diet Blueberry Green Tea
  2. Cake for lunch when the salad you bought is gross
  3. That I am truly happy (and not that scared) at the very very small chance that me and NGB made a person
  4. The amazing food my mother makes... aka mommy food
  5. That it is Friday and tomorrow is sleep-in day

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Day 30 of 365

  1. Streaming radio to break up the silence in my office
  2. Cookie dough ice cream WITH BROWNIE CHUNKS. I would rip someone's still beating heart out of their chest for that right now... 
  3. That I am obviously PMSing (see above)
  4. That NGB was so wonderful about the possibility of me being pregnant... there was a time where he'd almost faint at the mention of marriage let alone kids
  5. For "cat porn jokes" and "orange you glad you met me"

What are the chances?

This month I have been sick and on antibiotics. Round 1 could affect The Pill and so I didn't bother taking it this month. It's not like NGB and I wanted to come into contact with any other bodily fluids, the snot and phlegm were PLENTY. 

Rewind to last Friday, and I celebrated my re-found health with a bottle of wine. Well, one thing led to another thing... Twice. Heh. 

I thought "Aunt Flo" was coming that day. I thought that it was safe. BUT my friend didn't come. I mentioned to NGB that nothing ever materialized like I thought it would and he made the off-hand comment that maybe I was pregnant. I dismissed it, my period was being weird, with all the illness and medications. Then that little comment took root in my overly active brain and I started to wonder. Then worry... 

I confided in NGB that I was a bit freaked out about what he said. Turns out, he was joking and then started to freak out that I was freaking out... Which led to us talking about what if we have created a life. A PERSON. 

But instead of talking about the practical stuff, we jumped straight into the names. What should we name it? It's interesting, we spent most of the time talking about boy names. NGB's favorite was unusual. If someone, somewhere is reading this PLEASE let me know what you think about 


I go straight to Felix the Cat cartoon porn. Google it, second entry. 

But he likes old fashioned names. And nothing flora related (his last name is the name of a plant). How do you decide on the name of a human being for the rest of their lives? And the potential teasing and nicknames? 

However, our next male dog will be Felix. We get to use the name and my future child can be free of cartoon porn. It's a win, win situation.