I am starting to feel pregnant

I am starting to feel pregnant. My body is changing in some dramatic ways (no clothes fit!) and my hormones are "wonderfully" vibrant. I can go from annoyed to happy to weepy to mushy to exhausted in about 3 seconds flat. "They" say I am currently making extra hormones for the baby and this will start to subside around now so maybe I'll be less of a freak. I hope. It's amazing when your moods can even annoy yourself...

And I have lost my memory. I used to be ok (not great) at keeping life in order. I would remember where I parked the car, what I walked into a room to do, what needed to be done that day. Now, it's just disappeared. Thankfully Neil is there to remind me and he has been wonderful about that. The only thing I can seem to remember is how tired I am and how much I always want just a little nap. I really think there needs to be a nap room at the office. Just to close my eyes for 15 minutes would make me so much more productive!

We have a new fruit! We are now carrying a raspberry around

Although looking at that picture makes me crave raspberries (I am completely in love with fruit). Is that cannibalistic? *grin*

Day 166 of 365

1. A successful day of presentations
2. Lunch paid for by someone else
3. Mom and dad are home from their vacation
4. Starting to feel sad about leaving some of the people here in the office
5. No sadness, though, to be leaving this job

Day 165 of 365

1. Midsummer festival in WoW starts
2. Finding the energy to do laundry!
3. Walter actually coming upstairs as he is now apparently scared of our bedroom
4. NGB going to Timmy's for breakfast foods
5. NGB's MOST tactful reminder that my large and getting heavier breasts will be around my knees if I don't wear some kind of support

Day 164 of 365

Saturday

1. A wonderful dinner with NGB
2. The laziest day known to man, and loving it
3. Sore breasts - any symptoms of pregnancy is good! This has been alomst too easy...
4. Remembering what not to take for granted
5. The huff of breath from a puppy when they decide to fall asleep

Day 162 of 365

1. Walter's happy dance
2. Garlicky mashed potatoes (I can taste garlic again!)
3. The love and support of a a patient man
4. More closure at my old job
5. A warm bubble bath

Day 161 of 365

1. A lazy day at home
2. The ability to nap the instant I feel exhausted
3. I have found my true food love - FRUIT
4. Watching Sherman sleep curled up in my housecoat
5. We have the layout of the nursery planned - now we just need the second trimester and the furniture

Day 160 of 365

Wednesday

1. A wonderful pasta lunch with girls from work
2. A wonderful pasta dinner with some girlfriends - and more girls know about the neo geek babe!
3. My first used pregnancy clothes
4. More projects winding up at work
5. NGB, for the first time, touched my belly and kissed it

Introducing the Blueberry

Sprout is 7 weeks along. He is now a BLUEBERRY.

We have a brain, we have arms and legs and kidneys. We have a little tiny human forming!

I call Sprout a he, although I am not sure a gender yet. Sometimes I think boy, sometimes girl... but he is coming out easily and I'll run with that until I know for sure.

I am still feeling good! Still a little light headed, getting more and more tired everyday. And despite the tiredness, I am waking early in the morning. By around 530am I am up and then cat nap for the rest of the morning. But it's not so bad that I feel any need to get OUT of bed. I am content to lie there, fall in and out of sleep, dream a bit and watch NGB sleep. It completely creeps him out, but I think he looks so handsome and peaceful *grin*

I think the thing I struggle with most right now is that I feel useless. We have a couple of projects that need to get done this year. A big one is the re-stain the fence and strip the paint of the wood siding on the house and repaint it. It must be done, to preserve the fence and house.

But I cannot help.

I can't strip paint, since the old stuff is from the 50's (it was light green... ick!) and could easily contain lead. Which I could inhale. Which is harmful to Sprout. I can't help with the staining. While acrylic paint is ok in a very well ventilated area, stain carries a warning about potential harm to the baby.

I think if I was out to there or at least SHOWING it would make it real and make my uselessness feel more legitmate and less about being lazy. Instead, I have to conscript my parents to do this work for me and help NGB as I sit inside and watch TV in the air conditioning. Actually, I will be inside compulsively cleaning and throwing things out that we don't use. My nesting to date has expressed itself in getting rid of STUFF. Hormones are so much fun!

Day 159 of 365

1. BellaBand. My new pants that I will grow into are currently falling off me. The BellaBand is preventing the huge social embarassment of my white granny panties showing
2. Arizona Diet Blueberry Green Tea - it tastes even BETTER when I am pregnant!
3. A great meeting this morning and the chance to say goodbye to some wonderful colleagues
4. Communicator at work - a perfect way to chat with friends and pass the time
5. Only 3 hours until I can have a nap. I am SO tired!

Day 158 of 365

Monday

1. This pregnancy giving me back some of the taste and smell that my allergies have taken away
2. A few more deadlines met at work
3. NGB cleaning the house for me Monday, so I wouldn't have to on Sunday, to prepare for company
4. Having friends over last night and NOT telling them, even though they asked. Repeatedly. Because I wasn't drinking. Apparently me NOT drinking is a huge thing and can only mean there is a baby.
5. NGB loving me despite my apparently drinkinf problem *grin*

Day 157 of 365

1. Getting to talk to my adopted sister about Sprout
2. Walter snuggled up against me as I was throwing up in the toilet yesterday - he is such a good and loving dog
3. NGB running upstairs to tell me about something he wants to buy for Sprout, he is so excited
4. Wanting to do nothing more than crawl into bed and sleep this Sunday away, but finding the energy to get up and do those things that need to be done
5. Well, finding that energy AFTER my mid-morning nap

Day 156 of 365

1. A new amazing breakfast place - Park Allen Restaurant
2. A full day or errnads and nosing around with NGB
3. Figuring out what the ONE thing is that makes me puke
4. How absolutely excited my dad is about this grandchild - he just has to tell everyone!
5. Finding a dress that will have plenty of room for a July 4th wedding

Day 155 of 365

1. Not FEELING pregnant... no morning sickness, just some dizziness and the knowledge I can't have the traditional Friday glass of wine
2. NGB's best friend is coming to town
3. Glorious weather predicted for the weekend!!
4. Meeting my new boss yesterday, and really liking him a lot
5. Starting to get my office cleaned up for my departure

Day 154 of 365

1. Finding CHEAP pants that are really big and baby-gut friendly
2. REALLY getting it - I NEED water or I get super light-headed
3. Maybe figuring our what car I want to get
4. A wonderufl evening with NGB last night
5. Getting up early enough this morning that I was able to do my dailies and raid prep BEFORE work today! Crazy.

Day 153 of 365

1. Being a big girl when they took my blood sample
2. Remembering Walter's irrational fear of bangles (yes, the bracelets) before his head exploded in fear as I was rubbing his head with the hand wearing the bangles and thus making the tinkling noise RIGHT BY HIS HEAD
3. A few more "to-do's" crossed off the list of stuff to finish at work before I go
4. Being able to successfully undertake the COMPLEX peeing in cups that the tests required (Grab cup. Pee. Stop. Wipe. Grab OTHER cup. Finish peeing.)
5. That I am a mother

First doctor appointment has been DONE

Today I had my first doctor's appointment. NGB was fabulous and came along to hold my hand and support me. My regular GP is away, so another doctor, Dr. Loiselle, saw me. She asked questions about conception date, guesses right now our due date is February 3rd (ack! even sooner than the internet says!), lifestyle questions, provided some information. And then I had to give blood samples (ick) and pee in a cup for a few standard screens.

One thing that made me happy about this pregnancy happening now was the fact that I am 34 and thus not in that magic "35 = high risk" bracket. Well, I will be GIVING birth when I am 35... so I am actually in that category *sigh*. So we are also booking a screening test, theNuchal scan. It will be an ultrasound (which will also firm up how far along we are) and a blood test. It will look for Trisomy 18, Trisomy 13or the more common Down Syndrome. The tests are 80% effective, with a 5% false positive rate. If there is anything, we move on to the amnio.

The first 2 syndromes, according to the doctor, are "not conducive to life". She said we probably haven't talked about this, but that because of my age the testing is recommended and if there is an abnormality we can terminate the pregnancy. I was impressed at the words chosen, very carefully, so that they were not offensive. But it still means the same...

And we had spoken about it. If it were something that prevented Sprout from leading a happy life, then we would terminate. But that does not include something like Down Syndrome.

But in the next week or two we'll be getting the Nuchal scan appointment booked. Then on July 20 (when I am 11-ish weeks) we go for the first official pre-natal visit.

Between then and now, I get to hope that morning sickness doesn't come along, try to eat well and take care of myself. And buy some new and larger pants because these ones just are not fitting well at all!

Day 152 of 365

1. IM at work. Be it the official one, or google... it's nice to chatter with friends and loved ones
2. Possibly my last Indian buffet for awhile. Felt bloated and dizzy and maybe a wee bit nauseous after todays lunch. I may need a break
3. Some great jobs on NGB's horizon
4. The first official post-Sprout doctor appointment tomorrow
5. Feeling that my life is moving in the right direction... that feeling of being stalled and stuck is gone

Let me introduce you to...

Sprout (as posted last week... I'll be better about keeping up to date)

NGB called the babe Sprout the other day... and I may have started thinking about him/her as Sprout already. Sprout is about the size of an appleseed now (taken from thebump.com -no plagiarizing here!)

And I still feel good. No horrible side effects, no crazy emotions (yet) just... a surreal feeling. Tomorrow I start week 6*. There will be a new food to compare Sprout in size to. And maybe more side effects? "People" say the morning sickness starts at around week 6 for some. But "people" really say a lot of conflicting stuff.

We have a doctor's appointment on June 10th to get the blood test and figure out where to go next. Find an OB/GYN and hope for a great fit. I am pretty sure I feel better about all this going down in a hospital. Just in case. So I think I will go down the new traditional road of OB/GYN and hospital. But I want the option of a doula. Just in case. You know, I have no clue what I want. I just want to keep my options open and we'll figure this out together.

From the advanced Internet technology I have a predicted due date of February 5th. This, of course, is dependant on the date of my last period, which I may have forgotten to track this month, but THINK it was around May 1. Maybe a few days sooner than that. Something around there.

February 5th. Making Sprout an Aquarius according to zodiac. An Ox (specifically an Earth Ox) in chinese horoscope. And making me appear to have too much time on my hands. Lunch is done, back to work for me!

It's hard to concentrate on policy when my mind is fixated on Sprout...

* Nope. I apparently can't count. Just in week 5 right now - week 6 starts NEXT Friday, June 12.

I am plagiarizing

I am officially plagiarizing... myself! NGB and I (mostly I) have started ANOTHER blog, detailing the babe and the journey. And that content (that I wrote) will ALSO be housed here. Because I am lazy like that.

First vomitting of the pregnancy last night. It was pretty sudden, my intenstines/uterus felt crampy and strange. Then the metallic tingling in the back of your mouth and a bit more drool and... VOMIT. Made it to the toilet (which strangely smelled like my many years deceased hamster's cage when I would have to clean it).

NGB was fabulous about it all. Came upstairs, rubbed my back, brought me water. He even helped me into bed and brought me crackers while my stomach settled. Once everything was down, we went out for dinner to celebrate this definitive sign of pregnancy!!

Yes, we ARE strange. Thank you for asking *grin*

Day 151 of 365

1. No new missing tastes from my palette
2. Feeling not too tired or fat or whiny
3. Being able to share the good and the bad with NGB
4. Better weather on the horizon
5. A few baby lists created

Day 150 of 365

Sunday!

1. Realizing that we need a new car, one that will fit Sprout and his paraphanelia
2. Finding a car I love!
3. Putting an offer in on it, but thankfully finding out about the $15,000 accident it was in before we paid for it in full
4. Stil not much for symptoms of Sprout (other than the inability to taste certain foods)
5. Dinner with Mom and Dad

Day 149 of 365

A few days missed... Saturday

1. Brunch with 2 close friends, who now know about Sprout
2. The support and ideas I have been getting from friends and family
3. Vis for Pies desserts
4. Finally knowing when to give up on a recipe
5. A quiet night in with NGB, after I bailed on friends that were having a potluck in fear of having to explain why I wasn't drinking because I NEVER say no to a glass of wine!

Day 148 of 365

1. Some clarity about my working future
2. Satisfaction in knowing that I have made positive working relationships
3. Still no morning sickness
4. A chance to see a wonderful friend tonight
5. So much socializing to do this weekend!

Stick number 2

Life has gottne crazy. I believe I am being offered a new job - one that is a promotion of sorts, new Ministry, new group, new challenges. I'd be at the same level of job, I'd just be supervising people. New skills to learn! It would be a great opportunity for me.

But I am pregnant.

I bought a second stick, peed on it... and definitely. There was nothing faint about THAT line. A different brand, a different type and still yes.

And now to NGB it's real. We are REALLY having a baby. And his head exploded just a few times last night. I may still have brain in my hair...

Day 147 of 365

1. A good concert last night
2. An amazing authentic mexican restaurant discovery!!
3. Telling one person... someone to talk with
4. Starting another blog, for me and NGB to track this whole baby thing
5. Still no morning sickness

Day 146 of 365

1. Pear-Lychee Green Tea
2. Getting groceries bought yesterday - saved us $35!
3. Doctor appointment booked for next Wednesday, to get this all confirmed
4. Figuring out a good excuse about why I am not drinking alcohol right now
5. Another great concert tonight!

Day 145 of 365

1. NGB has been absolutely amazing through this life change
2. I feel good. Very good. Too good? 
3. The AC is DONE! And on budget. And the toilet is fixed for cheap! The house is one piece... for now
4. NGB has been frantically nesting... it's adorable to see
5. High Voltage wraps. Fresh ingredients, herbed and grilled after made... Best. Wraps. EVAR! 

OMFG

Yesterday I bought the pee-on-a-stick test. I peed on said stick last night, certain there would be no baby. I put it on the counter, and watched the digital screen. It felt so fast... maybe 30 seconds? And it flashed pregnant.

Pregnant.

I am PREGNANT.

I stood still for about 10 seconds. Then ran down the stairs, stick in hand, to NGB. He looked at me strangely as I shook my head up and down, my hand covering my mouth, tears starting. It was a shock, unexpected. Not planned, not the right timing. But inside me is the start of a human being, made from me and the man I love.

Our reaction to the news? Off to the bookstore, like good little geeks, to get a book so that we can figure out what the fuck to expect. So I bought "what to expect when you're expecting". Everyone reads that one. But there is so much to KNOW. Then we went to tell my parents.

My dad said "Finally!" and started crying. My mom looked a little more taken aback. She hoped we'd be married first... but I know she'll be an amazing grandmother. Baba. There were tears and hugs and shock and love.

Then home, to let it all sink in. The books say I am supposed to be tired. But I am the exact opposite. I woke up at 4am and wasn't able to really fall back asleep and feel fine this morning. I watched NGB sleep, watched him roll around, talk, snore... and tried to let it all sink in.

Symptoms are few. Dizzy spells. My boobs grew a bit more (ugh). I can FEEL my uterus. Almost like menstrual cramps (which made me think the cycle was about to start). But apparently not so much that. There really is nothing else. No nausea, no tiredness, no... nothing. I feel NORMAL. But instead I am growing a human being. It just does not seem real yet.

Day 144 of 365

1. A perfectly ripe bananas in your lunch
2. A new lipstick that is only kinda the wrong colour
3. The world's most awesome kleenex box
4. Being smoke-free for 9 days! Minimal weight gain and no fatalities
5. The AC is in and being tested. From having this AC installed we found out about our leaking toilet AND that our furnace was hooked up wrong and we have been trying to heat the outdoors for the last 3 years. And still our gas bill was cheaper than it was with the old 1972-ish furnace... which shows you how inefficient those things really are!

Wishful thinking?

I am pretty sure my monthly friend should have visited by now. I am good about tracking, but missed inputting my first day last time. I kept thinking I have to input this before I forget... and I forgot. I know myself so well! I have NO signs of pregnancy. Other than my lateness and my boobs feel even BIGGER. Last week I worked myself up into the highest of FITS over a wisdom tooth removal, which may have sent me out of whack. But what if?

I see a co-worker pregnant and it looks amazing. I listen to my friend's stories and I there is a part of me that is envious. But then I think about the fact that my job is a secondment, NGB is not working right now, the house needs so much work, we have so much debt, we aren't even married yet! We want a family however this is not the right time. But what if? What if there is a little person inside of me, growing. Someone made up partly from me, and partly from the man I love - my best friend and life partner. What if there is a future little geek inside me... someone who's first steps I'll watch, first words will be celebrated, someone who will call ME "mama".

Years ago, I was at a family function at my parent's place. I was maybe around 28? My god-daughter (my second cousin) was there. When she saw me she came running up to me, arms thrown wide, huge smile on her face screaming "aunty!". The sound of a little voice calling me aunty made my heart burt in my chest and brought tears to my eyes... I can't begin to understand how amazing being called mom would be.

Well, off to buy a pregnancy test. Just to lay this wishful thinking to rest.