Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Where my head is at

My life is good. I am in an amazing relationship with my best friend, I have a house I can afford, adorable dogs that make me smile, a decent job with promising career prospects, fabulous parents, great friends. But there is a part of my life I am not happy about. My personal health. 

I have NOT been taking care of myself. Life exhausts me mentally and physically... I am just tired. And it's that tiredness that makes the thought of doing much of anything utterly overwhelming. I have some ideas about what is setting this off. Quitting smoking. Quitting birth control and getting used to the natural hormones. Being the largest I have ever been and the sheer effort it takes to move this much of me around... When your fat clothes are tight you KNOW there is a problem. 

I have started taking the small steps to bring my health back and NGB has been perfectly supportive, as he struggles along with me. There are the physical parts (exercise, good food, sleep) but the mental steps need to be there too. As me and NGB worked to strengthen our relationship, I realized how many unhealthy thoughts and beliefs I held on to. I thought I was so figured out, so psychologically fit, and then another layer of the Onion that is Life was peeled back, I saw the next level of work and growth. 

Being healthy was a new years resolution that never really got off the ground. I am here to renew my vows with this resolution. 

I will exercise (30-day shreddin' it, bay-bee)
I will drink enough water
I will eat better and give up fast food as often
I will be real with myself and really be myself

However, with all the water drinking comes... Excuse me while I (AGAIN) powder my nose *wink*

EDIT: it is driving me nuts to see the title end in "at", although it was done on purpose. But I will leave it and view this as a growing experience. Even though it drives me nuts... 

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